Toolkit for Transforming Regrets at End of Life
This online toolkit was created for you to use to gain a deeper self-understanding and acceptance about facing death, develop skills in improving communication, active listening and creating healthy boundaries.
Resources
More Inspiring Reading, Viewing and Listening
Books and Audio Books
Byock, Dr. Ira. – All these books by Dr Byock are informative and beneficial to the reader whether you are the caregiver, patient, or on the path of life.
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The Best Care Possible, Penguin Group, 2012
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Dying Well, Peace and Possibilities at the End of Life, Riverhead Books, 1997
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The Four things that Matter Most A Book about Living, Atria Books, 2014
Other Books
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Mind of Clear Light Advice on Living Well and Dying Consciously, Atria Books, 2003
Dalai Lama, His Holiness the XIV – An inspiring leader, teacher and practitioner though his brilliant understanding and commentary on Buddhist teachings, his love for all, and his caring, honest and wise guidance. I have been studying and learning from him for years and will continue to do so through my life.
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On Living, Riverhead Books, 2016
Egan, Kerry – Kerry presented her book at our chaplain’s conference for the College of Pastoral Supervision and Psychotherapy. Her presentation and her book manifested heart-felt care and love. Excellent read.
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Being with Dying, Cultivating Compassion and Fearlessness, Shambhala 2011
Halifax, Joan – Joan is someone who has faced incredible adversity yet pitched herself into work and care for others in so many places in the world, has “walked in the shoes of others” and put inspiring teachings and advice into action and her life work.
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Standing at the Edge Finding Freedom Where Fear and Courage Meet, Flatiron Books Paperback Edition, 2019
by Joan Halifax
Movies
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The Intouchables (2011) - IMDb
After he becomes a quadriplegic from a paragliding accident, an aristocrat hires a young man from the projects to be his caregiver. Directors Olivier Nakache Éric Toledano Writers Olivier Nakache Philippe Pozzo di Borgo (adapted from his autobiographical tale Le Second Souffle) Éric Toledano Stars François Cluzet Omar Sy Anne Le Ny.
One of my favorite movies. I’ve shared this with some of my hospice patients who are bedbound and want to live life to the fullest. What is there to lose?
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Awakenings
This movie, based on the book Awakenings by Dr. Oliver Sacks, discloses how L Dopa, a drug designed to alleviate the symptoms of Parkinson’s Disease, helped "awaken" a group of encephalitis lethargica patients in the late 1960s. Although the movie presents only a small group of patients, actually there were thousands of victims.
This remarkable movie reveals the potency of medicine, the limitations and early stages of learning about human capacity, recovery and empathy.
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Mission: Joy - Finding Happiness in Troubled Times (2021) - IMDb
Documentary: An exploration of the remarkable friendship between Archbishop Desmond Tutu and His Holiness the Dalai Lama. Directors Louie Psihoyos Peggy Callahan (co-director) Stars The Dalai Lama Desmond Tutu Doug Abrams See production, box office & company info Watch on Prime Video rent/buy from $3.99
I have been a student of His Holiness the Dalai Lama since the early 1970’s. This film epitomizes the joy I have seen in the Dalai Lama enjoying a deep and special friendship. -
IRIS
True story of the lifelong romance between novelist Iris Murdoch and her husband John Bayley, from their student days through her battle with Alzheimer's disease. Director Richard Eyre Writers John Bayley .
The profound and tragic losing of a loved one due to dementia. Dementia is as losing a loved one twice; first, from the disease, and then finally with death. -
Terms of Endearment
Terms of Endearment is a 1983 American family comedy-drama film directed, written, and produced by James L. Brooks, adapted from Larry McMurtry's 1975 novel of the same name. It stars Debra Winger, Shirley MacLaine, Jack Nicholson, Danny DeVito, Jeff Daniels, and John Lithgow. The film covers 30 years of the relationship between Aurora Greenway (MacLaine) and her daughter Emma (Winger).
This film was brilliant, funny, disturbing about an impossible to please mother and her yiung daughter with problems of her own. The last third of half of the film shares the painful and difficult task of a mother saying goodbye to her young children.
Websites to check out
Grief.com – by David Kessler
https://www.nia.nih.gov/ National Institute on Aging. National Institute of Health
Yoga with Adrienne – for ongoing yoga and practice with Adrienne
Events and Organizations
Speak with friends, family, neighbors who may know of events and gatherings going on near you. It is important to discern carefully to find counselors and groups that are ethical, kind, and work with you within your budget and needs.
Check your local hospitals for support and bereavement groups
Churches, temples, and community centers may offer group meetings
Find counselors and therapists through search engines, magazines like Psychology Today,
Topics
Getting in Touch with Impermanence of Life
Stories
Meditation
Spending time with Yourself
Breathing
Overcoming Blocks to Meditation
Creating Space
Timing your meditations
Give Yourself a Break
Making Friends with your Time and Privacy
Exercises
Walking in Nature
Going to Places with a Vast View
Making Friends and Connecting with Someone in Your neighborhood
Carry an Inspiring Note, Quote with You for One Week
Do Something New
Reach out to Someone Who would be happy to hear from You
Prayer List
(Name of a friend, Date of Request for Prayer, Reason (optional))
Favorite prayers