Toolkit for Transforming Regrets at End of Life

This online toolkit was created for you to use to gain a deeper self-understanding and acceptance about facing death, develop skills in improving communication, active listening and creating healthy boundaries.

Resources

 More Inspiring Reading, Viewing and Listening


Books and Audio Books

Byock, Dr. Ira. – All these books by Dr Byock are informative and beneficial to the reader whether you are the caregiver, patient, or on the path of life.

  • The Best Care Possible, Penguin Group, 2012

  • Dying Well, Peace and Possibilities at the End of Life, Riverhead Books, 1997

  • The Four things that Matter Most A Book about Living, Atria Books, 2014

Other Books

  • Mind of Clear Light Advice on Living Well and Dying Consciously, Atria Books, 2003

    Dalai Lama, His Holiness the XIV – An inspiring leader, teacher and practitioner though his brilliant understanding and commentary on Buddhist teachings, his love for all, and his caring, honest and wise guidance. I have been studying and learning from him for years and will continue to do so through my life.

  • On Living, Riverhead Books, 2016

    Egan, Kerry – Kerry presented her book at our chaplain’s conference for the College of Pastoral Supervision and Psychotherapy. Her presentation and her book manifested heart-felt care and love. Excellent read.

  • Being with Dying, Cultivating Compassion and Fearlessness, Shambhala 2011

    Halifax, Joan – Joan is someone who has faced incredible adversity yet pitched herself into work and care for others in so many places in the world, has “walked in the shoes of others” and put inspiring teachings and advice into action and her life work.

  • Standing at the Edge Finding Freedom Where Fear and Courage Meet, Flatiron Books Paperback Edition, 2019

    by Joan Halifax

Movies

  • The Intouchables (2011) - IMDb

    After he becomes a quadriplegic from a paragliding accident, an aristocrat hires a young man from the projects to be his caregiver. Directors Olivier Nakache Éric Toledano Writers Olivier Nakache Philippe Pozzo di Borgo (adapted from his autobiographical tale Le Second Souffle) Éric Toledano Stars François Cluzet Omar Sy Anne Le Ny.

    One of my favorite movies. I’ve shared this with some of my hospice patients who are bedbound and want to live life to the fullest. What is there to lose?

  • Awakenings

    This movie, based on the book Awakenings by Dr. Oliver Sacks, discloses how L Dopa, a drug designed to alleviate the symptoms of Parkinson’s Disease, helped "awaken" a group of encephalitis lethargica patients in the late 1960s. Although the movie presents only a small group of patients, actually there were thousands of victims.

    This remarkable movie reveals the potency of medicine, the limitations and early stages of learning about human capacity, recovery and empathy.

  • Mission: Joy - Finding Happiness in Troubled Times (2021) - IMDb

    Documentary: An exploration of the remarkable friendship between Archbishop Desmond Tutu and His Holiness the Dalai Lama. Directors Louie Psihoyos Peggy Callahan (co-director) Stars The Dalai Lama Desmond Tutu Doug Abrams See production, box office & company info Watch on Prime Video rent/buy from $3.99

    I have been a student of His Holiness the Dalai Lama since the early 1970’s. This film epitomizes the joy I have seen in the Dalai Lama enjoying a deep and special friendship.

  • IRIS

    True story of the lifelong romance between novelist Iris Murdoch and her husband John Bayley, from their student days through her battle with Alzheimer's disease. Director Richard Eyre Writers John Bayley .

    The profound and tragic losing of a loved one due to dementia. Dementia is as losing a loved one twice; first, from the disease, and then finally with death.

  • Terms of Endearment

    Terms of Endearment is a 1983 American family comedy-drama film directed, written, and produced by James L. Brooks, adapted from Larry McMurtry's 1975 novel of the same name. It stars Debra Winger, Shirley MacLaine, Jack Nicholson, Danny DeVito, Jeff Daniels, and John Lithgow. The film covers 30 years of the relationship between Aurora Greenway (MacLaine) and her daughter Emma (Winger).


    This film was brilliant, funny, disturbing about an impossible to please mother and her yiung daughter with problems of her own. The last third of half of the film shares the painful and difficult task of a mother saying goodbye to her young children.

Websites to check out

Events and Organizations

  •  Speak with friends, family, neighbors who may know of events and gatherings going on near you. It is important to discern carefully to find counselors and groups that are ethical, kind, and work with you within your budget and needs.

  • Check your local hospitals for support and bereavement groups

  • Churches, temples, and community centers may offer group meetings

  • Find counselors and therapists through search engines, magazines like Psychology Today,

Topics

  • Getting in Touch with Impermanence of Life

    • Stories

  • Meditation

    • Spending time with Yourself

    • Breathing

    • Overcoming Blocks to Meditation

      • Creating Space

      • Timing your meditations

      • Give Yourself a Break

      • Making Friends with your Time and Privacy

  • Exercises

    • Walking in Nature

    • Going to Places with a Vast View

    • Making Friends and Connecting with Someone in Your neighborhood

    • Carry an Inspiring Note, Quote with You for One Week

    • Do Something New

    • Reach out to Someone Who would be happy to hear from You

  • Prayer List

    (Name of a friend, Date of Request for Prayer, Reason (optional))

  • Favorite prayers